Reflecting on many things over the past month, I have observed how ups and downs occur all the time.
Moments when certainties run out through the fingers like sand.
Stopping to observe from a neutral point of view is difficult, but necessary. And that's when, once again, we stare into our reflection, and our shadow, our demons are reflected in our eyes. Things we keep in a private Pandora's box, but that are there. Obstacles that we think we have won, but that have just been swept under the rug.
I realized how easy it is to judge. And it comes from the feeling of being judged.
The irritation of thinking that certain behaviors are expected. What intentions could be "x or y" of people with regard to their being, and their expectations.
A looping of irritation and judgment, projecting into the surroundings, maybe our own frustration.
I realized that we created expectations about certain things. We begin to control the behavior of others from our point of view and from our own expectations.
Thoughts like, "But that's not how I think they should act." "Wow, they're being extremists and radicals." "They seem to be talking arrogantly as if they wanted to get an air of knowing everything."
Judgments. And without realizing it we do it all the time.
But often we only realize it when we become their target, and we feel wronged.
"Why are you pushing me this way?" "They are not understanding my way of acting and wanting me to follow a pattern".
When we are uncomfortable with something, it is very likely that we may be doing the same in return.
Waiting for a pattern is judging.
And at this point, here comes a particular moment. An outburst in realizing how much more internally than externally I have done and keep doing so.
How much my disappointment with certain things, groups, people, was, in fact, a projected expectation of what I would like to find and that I thought it would be as it should be.
Once again I thought, I hoped, and that would be my vision. My way of feeling and seeing things, and hoping it would be so with others.
Herein lies the lack of respect. It is necessary to respect the space of the other, the way each one manifests in himself his passions, his tastes. The way that each one externalizes what he brings within himself. My fail. My lack of respect. My flaw to respect the way others are and act.
Whether this exteriorization is characterized by beautiful and flowery words or texts that sound arrogant or elitist. Whether this form of manifestation is more timid and contained, or more verbal and angry.
Each individual is an individual.
To feel that you have the freedom taken, is, first of all, you putting yourself shackles, often for not wanting to disappoint somebody and to try to meet the expectations of others.
Realizing that it affects you in some way is because there is something there. Especially because you care about their opinion, and value them. And often there is respect and affection, and you respect so much that you try not to disappoint, but there you fall into the error of not being yourself, out of fear. And at that point, you fail.
I feel that there are many things that need to be worked out. Emotional aspects that make us realize how wrong we are, how often we stumble and fall.
Moments that are our greatest learning. People who, even in a painful way, are our greatest teachers.
I leave here an immense thanks to a special person who helped me in a conversation to see things better through the light of Dawn.
There is much still to ponder. But the path of each is individual and the way of living it as well.
Within the path of vampirism, there are innumerable things to go through. Much to deal with and one of them is precisely the confrontation with oneself.
Within the path of vampirism, which in my view is one of the many layers that we deal with, that we possess, there are innumerable systems and tools that can be used for growth and evolution.
Not everyone looks for evolution, not all seek power.
I think that criticizing the way, and the way of each one is not productive, at least for me.
There are those who within the occult seek satisfaction for something, others who only want the fireworks. There are serious seekers, there are curious ones. Anyway, there are different reasons why you are looking for something.
I know that many get angry at the distortions because they lead new, ignorant people to error and deal with false or ridiculous things.
I know that many are struggling to get things done in a more serious and clear way.
But, in my opinion, criticizing something you dislike, every five words you use, every post or text is also not nice.
Saying bad things about other systems or traditions, just because you do not like them, is unnecessary, but that is my opinion.
And even within groups, there are conflicts and contradictions. For they are people, and people possess their instruments of interpretation, which is affected by their experiences. One person will not see one event in the same way as the other. What they carry within them is decisive for the perspective they will have.
What has happened in the past, can bring reactions of defense, roughness, or lightness and serenity.
And again, a personal thing I will write here is, just because I interact with different people, that may have a different and opposite opinion about things I deal with, does not mean I am a "traitor". I try to act friendly with people. Am I going to be judged by that? For sure. But that is me. And that is something I will also have to deal with.
If I do not fiercely stand up and fight in some occasions, does not mean it is because I agree or disagree.
In the end, we will always be judged, and judge as well, even if we try to think we won't.
And we always judge ourselves.
I am here, slowly letting things flow better.
May we be lighter in our Journey and chosen path, leaving behind unnecessary heavy things.
Em Hotep.
