sábado, 30 de dezembro de 2017

and now?

This is a personal text. It is becoming harder and harder the interaction with many things.

People just busy with their endless talks about just anything. Agitation around everywhere. Noise, pollution, chaos...

I believe we have to endure and learn how to deal with many different situations, but, when the level of sensitiveness reaches to a point that is so high, it becomes unbearable and almost gives a sense of despair.

It is like a cry, choked in the chest. A feeling of having no air to breath. Silent dry tears that run without actually being there.

You look around and everything seems out of place, and out of pace. Running at a high speed, or sometimes in slow motion...

So is the problem the world? is the problem .. you?

Watching everything with different lenses, and you see details others don`t. You feel things others ignore. Then falsehood becomes so clear, lies hurt, because you see them, even if you don`t want...

Masks fall, not only masks from the others, but you see your masks falling when you face yourself. You look in the mirror, there is no image. But then, you look again, and there it is, just you.

But what are you? Who are you? Who truly are you?

There are so many things coming to mind, and it is hard to face them when you see how silly you are sometimes, how egoic, childish behaviors...

So many things that you thought you had already dealt with, then you see how pride prevents you from growing, how fear freezes you...

It is like a boat, you know the wind is good, the flow is good, but you fear to remove the anchor...

I believe it is part of the Journey, at least mine.

One step at the correct time... some break during the way... and trying to endure

quarta-feira, 27 de dezembro de 2017

Silence

I was looking for a picture to portray Silence, and I found out how difficult it is to put it in an image.
Silence for me is "pressure" , not in a bad way, but it is almost like I can feel it. It is like a pulse, it has its own rhythm, and yet it is Silence.

It is a most desired company for me. It can be a kind friend, but also a hard Master.

But how can we be silent in a world that simply has words, sounds, images for everything?

It would be easier to keep in a "zen" mode, silent, in a situation that would help, like when we are alone, in some place we enjoy, like nature for example. The hard thing is to be balanced and even silent, among the craziness of our daily routine. That is where our "zen" mode is tested and needs to be applied, what is many times impossible.

I had two different experiences these past 2 days, and I was observing my interaction and reaction

One was in an "artificial" environment - a shopping mall. I really do not enjoy this kind of place, and energy, and I see people just "love" spending hours inside a place full of stores, and in my opinion, frivolous things. It is such a kind of energy, so... weird for me, that actually makes me bad

The other experience could make me feel bad because I was under a hot sun, there were many people around, however, I was just enjoying my walk, as I was visiting the city, and museums. I was by myself this time, at my own pace, so I spent about 10 hours, and I came home recharged, and happy.

So what would be the difference? For me, I could keep an internal "Silence" in the second experience, since the energy of everything was just, different and good.

But what lesson is there to be learned? It is a constant self-observing action, even my bad reactions to the other experience came to teach me something.

I came home, and today thinking about silence.

Once I was in the middle of the desert and silence was there, like a pressure. It is loud, we can hear silence, and the sound of Silence is incredible and powerful. The physical silence, and the internal Silence.

Sometimes I feel like Silence is actually the language of the Universe. Silence is the voice of the Universe. It is the song being played at its own frequency. And it combines sound and light, played in the darkness, where the eyes and ears only open when we are in the dark, and we cannot see...
... just feel.



segunda-feira, 25 de dezembro de 2017

Self-observation and Self Sculpting




During the past days, I can say it has been a little different for me as Holidays are happening, and it is a moment of much more interaction for some families.
But being among family is bringing me an exercise in self-observation. In how I see the reaction of people, how I see my reactions. I realize that I cannot deal much more with certain types of human interactions. The superficial conversations, the comments, the criticisms of always. You try to be neutral, smile, try to play the game, but there are times when you just want to be you. Stay quiet. Be neutral. Just because you are quiet does not mean you do not like where you are, or what is happening. But I see that people need interaction, forced laughter, to please and to be pleased, to praise, to fill the silence.

The world is so noisy, why so much noise?
Why are the lines so loud, the laughter so loud? All drunkenness and egos dispute?
Why do people bother and criticize what is different? What is Silent?
Why does the quiet make people uncomfortable? Why does silence bother them?
Why does your neutral mood upset them?
Where is the respect? Why is direct criticism intentional to cause you discomfort?
Why being on the opposite side uncomfortable for them?
Why does your most serious face cause people to make comments about you when you're just there or are not well? Why do you have to pretend to be?
We talk so much that we need to be ourselves, but how? if sometimes within your own home there is no respect for your more reclusive behavior?
For everything, they seem to have comments ... If you get a cup of coffee at 11 pm comes the criticism:  "oh coffee at this time?"
If you are in pain and you are quieter comes the criticism ... "You are too quiet"
If you say that you are in pain comes the criticism, "oh, but you are so young and always full of pain ..."

It's hard, being in society is getting harder and harder. I know it is necessary because there is a life of things to be done, but my words are not in the tone of criticism or trying to play the victim, it is not in the tone of forced  mysticism like, "I am sensible I can not live with people", this need to get this thing off my chest is real, this interaction is becoming increasingly complicated, especially with "normal" people.

I am not saying I am special or something like that, but it has been hard to deal with this "matrix", all the superficial talks, and vanities, and much more. I try to learn from everything, and I believe there is a lesson for me there. This observation of my surroundings and of myself.
But the conclusion I am getting is that it is like a different vibration, a more silent and slow one is the one I live in, that is quite complicated when hit by all this agitation.

I see it is one of the most faces of this Path, that brings a lot of change, a lot of self-awareness. A lot of conflicts, internal ones. At first, I thought I had already gone through this stage a long time ago, this awakening, of knowing I used to think and feel the world in a different way than many people around me.
I thought I was ok with that, but what I am realizing it is an endless transformation, and now, it is not only how I see the world, but also, how people see me, and the more distant we get from that they expect us to be, the hardest is the criticism.

I see we tend to be the different ones, and we have to learn how to deal with it. If those comments coming from close people, it is not us that are getting away from them, it is the situation that makes this happen. When you think in a different way, it is like "you are not part of the group anymore ", so you are seen as the weird and the black sheep one.

I feel right now like I am burning in an endless alchemical fire, transmuting, being broken, polished.....and the Fire burns, the hits hurt, but I believe everything is the way it is...

terça-feira, 12 de dezembro de 2017

Stillness

Being used to action, interaction, movement, people tend to feel unease when suddenly there is nothing but silence, quietness...
It is scary in the beginning when we have to deal with a sensation that everything stopped and disappeared time, space, thoughts, and the idea of your own self suddenly makes no sense as there is nothing to be used as a mirror for it.
We, many times, become echoes of our surroundings, getting lost in the interference and influence we suffer, from sound, images, people, thoughts...
When we are faced with a sense of nothingness, or when there is nothing to catch our attention, to drive us, we tend to feel lost.

Silence makes us face our fears, our insecurities. Stillness makes us hear Silence.
We feel a weird sensation in the beginning. We are not used to a sense of neutrality, when in fact this should be the natural state of our being.
It is interesting to observe how people are always finding ways to "fill the silence", that is, produce things in order to keep the mind busy.
It may be the TV on, on a random channel, in order to have some sound around the house.
It may be that random chat we create just to avoid that silence, those gaps between conversation.
It may be those thoughts that appear, just to make noise in our mind...

We are not used to be in silence, to appreciate silence as a company.
Even visual influence, like mobiles, for example.
Whenever people have some free time, eyes are on the screen, keeping the mind busy, making some noise...
I believe we should appreciate this company of stillness, do not feel uncomfortable, nor comfortable. We should just be, at the moment, feel and flow with it.
There is beauty in just feeling the flow of the Universe, and this flow is always happening, making its own melody, played in the Silence of our Inner Self.
Let just learn how to enjoy these moments, be the moment, be the present and Be the Silence.

quarta-feira, 6 de dezembro de 2017

Freedom



Nothing gives us a better sensation than something that set us free.

When looking for answers, we tend to search in different places, getting information from different sources. It is easy to notice that many of them try to get people, and demand them to be, somehow, exclusive. Sometimes forbidding their "members" to get access to other kinds of studies, orders, groups...

Some religions, philosophies, or similar things try to do that. Preaching their truth as the ultimate, and unfortunately, many people just fall into those traps, becoming stagnated.

The advance of Spirituality, for me, depends a lot on how and what you study, learn, practice, and that involves teachings from different things.

Of course I agree that it is not a good idea to just read from many different sources, and do not put in practice, just accumulating knowledge, and also, the conflicting ideas could be harmful, instead of helpful.

However, I consider that to be a benefit when a Path points out this importance of seeking for more. Sometimes we read some things that tend to make us feel interested, that somehow, gives us a direction on what to do next. It is not an easy thing to find out, as it is not clearly stated, making the student responsible for finding his way, relying on his intuition, his internal compass, and internal knowledge.

This is what really matters. But, the problem is, sometimes, understanding the direction to be taken.

It takes, time, patience, meditation, and time, and time...

I see that things need to mature and that they will make sense, many times, not now, but in the future.

We tend to look for things that give us a sense of safety, and that is usually something "ready" like a recipe to be followed. But this gives a false sensation of learning. Being only guided, like a sheep...

And it is quite interesting how we feel lost when we are free when freedom is offered to us, and we become the builders of our own paths and reality. It is scary sometimes to see you have the whole sky you can fly, but yet, you insist on just crawling.

We need to spread our wings and fly. Explore and learn. We are eternal students, and the only Truth that matters is the one that is inside us all.

Freedom can be felt inside some studies, as it just points out how much we can fly, and empower our own wings.

Always a long Journey, but one that we build as we walk.

Now.